You are "babe" no more.

We spent the last 2 days together.  All.  Day.  It wasn't exactly how I had planned things and it was a quaint reminder to be flexible, open-minded, and cognizant that even the best of people, things, and situations can go awry.

When we first met, I was giddy, giddy like an 5 year old gripping the brand spanking new handlebars of THAT bike that up until now, he had only seen in magazines and bike shop windows.  A month prior, this kid could only ogle from the storefront, leaving oily hand prints on the window as mom reminded him that we couldn't afford it, I already have a nice bike, and IT WAS TIME TO GO.  Sure, I already had a bike.  Rust on the frame and holes in the seat was the new "in".  And not to mention this 5 year old boy was riding a girls bike.  I cut off the handlebar tassles, scraped off the pretty purple stickers, made sure the white tires were muddy at all times to disguise the shame.  But, this hideous bike and the feeling it gave me, was the lowest point in a 5 year old's life.  Then came my birthday!  Mom and Dad rolled out the new bike.  It was my dream!  From the window!  From the ad in the magazine, that I had taped on the wall, adjacent to my bed!  The new whip!  In that moment, I didn't want to sit on the seat or dirty the pedals.  There was no rush.  Just admiring every curvature of your frame was good enough.  You were beautiful... 

I mean, just.  Wow.  Not even the neighborhood kids had a bike that was remotely "teh baddassery."  I was stoked.  Stoked enough to forget that the word stoked describes the emotions you feel from a great barreling surf session with crystal clear water, energizing sun, and the laughter and smiles of your closest surf buddies.  In fact, "stoked" doesn't even begin to describe my thoughts.  The word isn't even qualified enough for this job.  It's an inexperienced and uncoordinated white belt sparring a ferocious black belt whose only passion in life includes testosterone and pain.  But, enough about bikes, barrels, and black belts.

This is about you and I, and on that first day, I played it cool.  Nobody had to know.  And as the days went on, I thought wow, this.  This.  This really is something that will work for me.  And I got to know you better.  Your architecture, your prowess, your intelligence, your savvy, it was all amazing!  It was more than I had imagined.

And not to make you sound so machine-ish; you had and still have great features.  And, I admire you.  You make reason of rhyme.  Or is it rhyme of reason?  Hell, I don't know.  They say you don't know what you have until it's gone.  This is THAT moment for me.  I can't think.

The best thing about you is you were "low maintenance."  I would never use "dependency" to describe our relationship.  Heck, I didn't WORRY at all, about what you were doing.  I worried for you but, not about you.  Sure, this where I start sounding selfish, like a complacent husband who habitually plays a round of poker with friends and comes home late, inebriated, smelling of whiskey, cigarettes, and boiled peanuts, and expects his significant other to stay.  But hey, there's certain things I like, like everyone else in the world. You were pretty dang independent.  You did your thing.  I did my thing.  We collaborated.  We shared information.  I know I turned you on a few times.  =)  But, like I said, we weren't in each other's faces.  It wasn't as if I had to cook you every single meal or vice versa.  Or spend hours and hours tending to your needs.  There are others in this world, who would have found you boring.  They wouldn't have been able to smother you.  You, with your silent independence.  And yet, it was brilliant to witness you in your element.  You were smart.  You could process so many things and juggle so many different activities at once.  You were like that quintessential wife, mother, cook, scholar, worker, friend, lover, foundation, and source of peace, all rolled up into a single slender chassis.  Every time I saw you, you would light up and a feeling of calm would settle in my soul.  In life, it's great to know that you have backup.  

But, things started to change a few days ago.  You became difficult.  Stubborn.  Uncooperative.  I mean, I have faults too, I won't lie.  I had something to do with it.  I'm not very good with maintaining anything, let alone any sort of relationship.  Maybe we could have talked more, hell I don't know.  But honestly, I should have saw this coming.  I should have set you aside.  We could have parted ways earlier.  There's a time of reckoning for everyone and everything, and you are no different.  So, I'm sorry.  This is my public apology and my well wishes to you.  I will have to move on.  I will have to find another server to backup my files.


  1. bwahahah I love how this is about machinery, so intriguing!!


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